The Condition in Which We Part
by Calliope6
Summary: You never realize how much you love someone, until you can't tell them anymore. (sasunaru)


The Condition in Which We Part -a Naruto fan fiction by Calliope-  
  
Message: I've started and stopped work on a number of fics in the last little while, but haven't been able to sufficiently say that I like any of them. However, today I was thinking about death. What can I say? This is what resulted. It's just a one shot, but, all the same, I hope you guys like it.  
  
Story Summery: You never seem to realize just how much you love someone, until you can't tell them anymore.  
  
Warnings: *shounen-ai*  
  
******  
  
He could not feel his legs, or the tingling sensation of his chakara flowing within his body. A battle far more difficult then any shinobi in his team had anticipated, had left him wounded and powerless; laying amongst the dead, he was at the mercy of his defeat. All enemies, long since, leaving him behind to meet his fate alone.  
  
However, he had a second option open to him, a power he could harness should he choose to. But right then, there wouldn't have been a point; for what is the use of power within a body so broken it's unable to make use of it? Besides, there was still someone else left, to take into consideration.  
  
"Do you think we're going to die?" he inquired weakly, between deep and rasping breaths; a hint of humor in his voice, overlooking the pain he experienced with every rise and fall of the bruised and cracked ribcage within his chest. He made no motion to move his sweat soaked lengths of dirt ridden, blond, hair from his line of sight as he lay on his back staring up into the muted, gray, nothingness that was the bleak looking sky overhead.  
  
The boy in question turned his head ever so slightly - ignoring the painful protests from his stiff and bloodied neck - and stared solemnly at the boy laying beside him in the wet, crimson washed, mud. He could see a hint of a smile was on his blood, and dirt smudged, face; his half closed eyes showing a kind of calmness that one can only experience when they fully understand their own mortality.  
  
"In truth?" he asked, unsure of whether or not to answer such a question.  
  
"Of course." The blond boy said in seriousness, his colorless lips never moving as the words passed by.  
  
There was silence then, as the question - still lingering on the blond boys lips - hung heavy in the air around his, dark haired, companions head.  
  
It is not easy to answer such questions, not even in the bleakest of moments, and not even for the sort of boy who's thought of such things many times. "Do you think we are going to die?" What do you say to that?  
  
For a shinobi death is inevitable; death in all its forms, no matter how bloody, or painful, or even passive it may be. However, it never occurred to either boy that they may have time to think on it before - the end. Death was always imagined to be something quick and passing, that didn't linger long for warriors, as they marched off so swiftly to meet it. To a young shinobi death is a companion, more so then an enemy; an ever present teacher, waiting patiently, in the background, lingering just long enough to deliver the final lesson.  
  
However, it is the most heartless of enemies who allow death to linger; and the most fortunate of shinobi for whom it waits.  
  
There was silence.  
  
"Sasuke?" the blonde's voice choked, his repressed sob shattering the silence in such a way that the shards of it were left to linger a while before falling to the ground around them.  
  
"Yeah, Naruto?" The dark haired one replied, having failed to respond to the question.  
  
"Don't do that!" he snapped, closing his eyes tightly, causing the tears which had formed in the corners of his eyes, to role down his cheeks leaving tell-tale marks on his dirt soiled face. "Don't be so quiet." His voice faded out, giving way to the choking which was his attempt at repressing his tears.  
  
"I'm sorry." Sasuke apologized quietly; with a calmness in his voice which Naruto's lacked.  
  
"Don't be so quiet." Naruto said again, with forceful composure. "You'll make me think you're,"  
  
" - Dead?"  
  
Naruto turned to head at this, to meet the bleak and somber eyes to his counterpart. A single drop of rain fell from the heavens and landed, ever so gently, on Sasuke's cheek; rolling down across his dark and bloody skin in a way which mimicked the genuine trails down Naruto's face.  
  
"Why does it always rain when bad things happen?" Naruto asked sullenly, his eyes glancing upwards before coming back down to entangle within Sasuke's dismal gaze. The harshness normally present in those light-less, raven, eyes seemed some how subdued by their dire circumstance; as if, at a time like this, there was nothing left to hide, as fear, pain, weakness, and vulnerability were all running rampant, giving no scar the chance to remain unexposed.  
  
"Don't you know?" he asked, "It rains, because the angels up in heaven are crying for you." Sasuke explained, the tone in his voice devoid of the certainty in his ethereal statement, "Atleast," he added subtly, turning his face back to the sky, "That's what Sakura would say."  
  
"And to think," Naruto tried to laugh, forcing himself to smile in spite of himself, "she was so jealous that she couldn't come along this time."  
  
His smile could not last though, as the morose and un-humored look on Sasuke's face reflected his disincline to try to keep a light-heart in such a situation.  
  
Silence followed suit, falling upon them once more, like a damp and heavy blanket, accompanied by the light and frigid rain.  
  
There was no breeze on the air; nothing to ease their senses as the pair lay there, at the loosing end of their once proud battle. Left to suffer in their pain before the end. The bodies of their fallen comrades, which lay around them then, were like the shadows of things to come should the strength of their character fail them.  
  
Sasuke ran his hand down, across, his bludgeoned chest, and across the steel and razor edged projection embedded in the upper part of his hip. He contemplated for a moment, pulling the shuriken from his flesh, but he knew it served him better in then out, as it repressed - if only a little - the blood which steadily oozed from his deep and tingling wound.  
  
The rain, which fell upon them, cared not if it stung their scratched and broken skin. It simply began - without giving favor to those still clinging to life - its arduous task of cleansing the blood soaked field in which the boys lay.  
  
"Sasuke?" Naruto spoke again, his mind too full of questions now to keep them to himself.  
  
"Uh huh." Sasuke murmured; to eager to feel his voice from his lips and Naruto's in his ear to remain unresponsive.  
  
"Do you think anyone will come for us?"  
  
"Eventually yes." Sasuke nodded, turning back to face Naruto, whose wide and questioning eyes asked for the condition under which they would be retrieved.  
  
"Eventually." Naruto agreed then, sullenly knowing full well what it meant.  
  
Sasuke watched as Naruto's eyes wandered down across his rain soaked body and lingered a while on the shuriken on his far side, sunk deeply into his skin through his clothing. A halo of blood, black in the failing light, radiated from around his wound as it spidered it's was through the fibers of the cloth.  
  
"It doesn't hurt." Sasuke lied, noticing the look of concern on Naruto's face.  
  
"Nothing does." Naruto replied, humoring his lie with his own.  
  
But, truthfully, both had lost most feeling in their bodies, their arms and legs feeling like led and their spirits just as much so.  
  
It's more difficult then some suppose, to remain stouthearted, after suffering such a bloody defeat. True it is also, that both boys had overcome so many defeats, both in battle and in life, that it should seem easy to push aside all thoughts of loss when at the end your body still clings to life. However, it seems as though there comes a time, when it is better to give death a chance.  
  
Both Naruto and Sasuke had been cheating death a long time now, defying it and putting it aside for their own goals and reasons time after time. However, on this day, with bodies badly broken and spirits equally so, it seemed only fair to let death decide for once - as this time it appeared as though it had gone to a lot of trouble.  
  
"I can think of something." Sasuke muttered, after a moment or two had passed.  
  
"Something what?" Naruto asked, unsure of what something he meant.  
  
"Something that hurts." He replied quietly.  
  
"Really?" Naruto smiled weakly, "Sasuke Uchiha feels pain?" he jested.  
  
"Yes, you idiot." Sasuke snapped at him.  
  
Silence again.  
  
They both turned to each other, subtle smiles on their rain spotted faces, as they both knew they were thinking the same thoughts. Bickering, at a time like this? Some things never change no matter what. And there was comfort in that thought.  
  
"But seriously," Naruto began again, trying to forcefully repress his smile, "what is it?"  
  
Sasuke was quiet a moment as he stared up into the rainy sky with Naruto watching him patiently. Turning his head back slowly he lifted his arm painfully from his side, a gaping wound his forearm smiling widely at Naruto and making him wince in Sasuke's inevitable pain.  
  
But Sasuke made no mention of this wound.  
  
Turning his hand over in the mud and showing his bandaged palm to the faceless sky Sasuke sighed, and closed his eyes tentatively.  
  
Naruto looked over to him, still waiting patiently for his reply.  
  
Slowly his heart began to beat uneasily within his chest, as he waited for Sasuke to open his eyes again.  
  
But he didn't.  
  
Naruto's lower lip moved uneasily, debating words but taking no action. His frantic blue eyes searched Sasuke's pale, rain-washed, face.  
  
He waited for Sasuke to speak.  
  
Swallowing hard, his breath caught in his throat as he stared wide eyed at his long time companion, lying motionlessly beside him. His mind raced, trying to think of anything - but nothing came. His heart beat echoed loudly in his ears, as his vision blurred with the onset of painful tears.  
  
"Sasuke?" he said quietly, tears beginning to stream down his face as he tried to force his body to move.  
  
"Sasuke!" he sobbed again, his tears now unrelenting; their salt stinging at his open wounds. He tried in vain to lift his shoulders, to move his arms, or kick his legs, but it was useless. Sore and broken, every fibber in his body protested movement - the added burden of sorrow weighing heavily.  
  
He dug his fingers into the mud in frustration, as he choked on his sobs, turning his face to the sky and wish the rain could somehow drown him where he lay.  
  
"Sasuke," he whispered again, through sniffles, and uneasy breaths, "don't be so quiet."  
  
His hand felt the coldness of the mud around it as he tightly clenched his fist, unwilling to think on what was slowly setting in as reality. He didn't stop himself then, as bitter and resentful sobs of pure and utter heartbreak washed over him. In the silence his head was filled with the sounds of his own painful crying as he was consumed with a grief like he had never known before.  
  
"Not now." Naruto shook his head, sniffles and sobs making his words nearly inaudible. "You bastard," he sniffled, hoping to subside his sadness with false anger, "why? Why? Why?! Why!"  
  
Whatever he had planned to say just then got lost in the only question running over and over inside of his throbbing head. "Why."  
  
It wasn't supposed to happen this way.  
  
It wasn't supposed to happen this way.  
  
It wasn't supposed to happen this way!  
  
All he could think about was Sasuke. The pain in his heart right then, was ten times any of that that had been in his body.  
  
Sasuke.  
  
He was his best friend and his greatest enemy. The only one who understood him; the only one who knew what it was like to be - different. It wasn't in any way a stretch to say that at time Sasuke was everything to him. There was no one else in Konoha who was like him. They were rivals but they were friends, they hated each other, but loved each other just as much. There was a bond between them that nobody would ever be able to understand - least of all themselves.  
  
You just never realize just how much you love someone, until you can't tell them anymore.  
  
And it comes to this.  
  
It comes to this and in Naruto's mind he was dead too; just as dead as anyone else laying there in that baron and bloody field.  
  
There is no rain on his skin, there is no breath in his lungs, there is no beat in his heart - and he doesn't want there to be. For what was there after this?  
  
There was nothing.  
  
Naruto lay there, with nothing but his tears and his thought - alone, in the most painful sense of the word.  
  
Left alone with his grief and pain.  
  
Left alone to die.  
  
Just, alone.  
  
Who could think on that, and not wish to die.  
  
There was a pressure on his hand then; one that sent a cold chill running through his spine. Relaxing his hand, Naruto shut his eyes tightly, gritting his teeth to stop his sobs, and holding his breath in his lungs. His cut and bloodied fingers guided themselves, entangling in the familiar, soft, coldness around them. He couldn't open his eyes for fear the he was dreaming.  
  
But he had to.  
  
Turning his head and exhaling sharply he opened his eyes; his vision unsteady through his heavy tears as he stared into the blackness. He closed his hand tightly around the all too familiar sensation of cold which was the feel of Sasuke's skin; the dark haired boys long and nimble fingers intertwined within his own.  
  
"Sasuke." Naruto voice wavered uneasily as he stared, disbelieving, into Sasuke's black and far too welcome eyes. A part of him still felt as though he were imagining it.  
  
"Naruto." Sasuke's weak and quiet voice reached his ear, as a smile wandered across the pale skinned shinobi boy's face.  
  
"I hate you!" Naruto snapped at him, his painful sobs escaping him again.  
  
There was no thought given to his body then, as he pushed himself up on bruised and fractured arms and brought them back down, tightly, around Sasuke. The other boy winced in pain for a moment at the feel of Naruto's body pressure against himself, but ignoring it gave in to the heaviness in his heart.  
  
"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" Naruto sobbed into Sasuke's neck as he held him tightly around the chest, his fingers grabbing tightly to the fabric of his shirt. "Don't you ever do that to me again!"  
  
"I'm sorry, Naruto." Sasuke whispered, his soft, cold lips brushing gently again his ear.  
  
The intensity of their emotions made them numb to their pain, as both boys held on to each other tightly.  
  
"Sasuke?" Naruto whispered quietly, between muffled sobs.  
  
"Uh huh." He replied, as he ran his fingers, gently, through Naruto's soaked and muddy lengths of hair.  
  
"Please, don't leave me." Naruto begged him, clinging to him even more tightly.  
  
Sasuke could feel the way Naruto's body was shaking, both from cold, pain, and emotion, and he held him closely, assuring him that he'd never do so.  
  
"Don't worry about it." Sasuke whispered, his voice, calm and reassuring, "It's ok."  
  
Naruto smiled weakly, as he buried his face deeper into Sasuke's neck, wanting nothing more then to feel the presence of his body beside him. He softly wound his fingers into the long, dark, black, hair at the back of Sasuke's neck, causing the other boy to shiver ever so slightly at his considerably warmer touch.  
  
The rain fell down upon them, washing away the blood and dirt from the tiered and worn bodies. Despite the chill in the air the feel of each other's bodies, so closely held to one another, kept either boy from feeling the sting of the cold. Laying wrapped up in each others arms, so near to one another that each could hear the beat of the others heart, gave a kind of assurance that no matter what the outcome - the end would not be so bad.  
  
"I never thought it was going to end like this." Naruto laughed a little as he lay against Sasuke's chest, thinking on the irony of their situation.  
  
"Who says it ends like this?" Sasuke inquired, as he ran his bandaged hand down the length of Naruto's back.  
  
Naruto didn't say anything, just laughed a little and sighed. Closing his eyes he thought to himself that anything after this, could not be so bad.  
  
"Even if I was to die now," Sasuke whispered to him quietly, "atleast I'd know I died with you, Naruto."  
  
A little taken aback by the normally pretentious boy's words, Naruto sat up a little to look him in the eyes.  
  
"Do you mean that?"  
  
"Yeah, I'd think so." Sasuke nodded. "If not with you, then who else?" he smiled, "It's always just seemed to make sense that I'd either die by your hand, or by your side."  
  
Naruto smiled at him genuinely, the brightness in his eyes reflecting the sincerity of the happiness he was feeling right then.  
  
"I wouldn't have it any other way." Naruto shook his head.  
  
"Me either." Sasuke nodded in agreement.  
  
Sasuke lifted his arm weakly, the blood running down it adhering to gravity and traveling down towards his elbow, as he held his hand up to Naruto's blood and tear stained face. Naruto closed his eyes as he felt Sasuke's cool fingers against his cheek. Leaning into Sasuke's hand, Naruto lifted his own hand to the pale boy's face, intimately mimicking his actions. His deep, black, eyes were calm and settling, erasing any sort of doubt, which may still have been lingering in Naruto's heart.  
  
"Sasuke."  
  
"Yeah Naruto?"  
  
"I have to tell you something." He whispered softly, as every memory, thought, and feeling he had ever had between them, raced in his mind.  
  
"What?" Sasuke asked.  
  
"That," he looked away then, staring down at the muddy ground, "I'm pretty sure, that - I love you."  
  
"Funny," Sasuke smirked, turning Naruto's face back to his, encouraging the blond boy to lean in closer to him, "I think I love you too."  
  
There was barely a moment's hesitation before their lips met; all inhibitions and uncertainties pushed aside, if only for that moment. Both could taste the blood and salty tears on one anothers lips, and feel the splits and cuts on each other's mouths with the touch of their tongues. Naruto cried silently then, fresh tears rolling down the sides of his cheeks and falling softly on to Sasuke's face along with countless nameless drops of rain.  
  
"You know," Naruto smiled softly, when they're lips parted a few moments later, "you never did tell me what is was that hurts you."  
  
"Didn't I?" Sasuke smirked, as he watch the raindrops drip from Naruto's bangs.  
  
"No."  
  
"I would of thought you'd figured that out already."  
  
"Well, no, I haven't. So enlighten me." Naruto encouraged, kissing him softly on the edge of his mouth.  
  
"It's the only thing worth feeling pain over, you idiot." Sasuke smiled at him.  
  
"And what's that?" Naruto scowled at him, as Sasuke carefully avoided the answer.  
  
"The only thing that I've ever seen make you cry." He whispered quietly, rubbing the tears from around Naruto's eyes with the edge of his thumb.  
  
"Being alone." They heard each other's voice mutter in unison.  
  
For a moment the soft pattering of rain on mud was the only sound in the world. But Naruto smiled and shook his head at his dark haired companion, laying his head back down against his chest and holding him tightly.  
  
"You know what Sasuke?"  
  
"What, Naruto?"  
  
"If that's the case, I'm gonna make sure you never have to be in pain again."  
  
The End 


End file.
